When Balance is Impossible: My Journey

How Letting Go of Traditional Success to Address Life Issues Helped Me Redefine Success Both Personally and Professionally

Today, it feels like the go-to advice for happiness is finding that perfect work-life balance as if it's the cure-all for personal and professional achievements. Countless articles, like well-meaning pep talks, insist that by following certain tips and tricks we can achieve the perfect harmony between our career dreams and personal well-being. But let's not kid ourselves; life sometimes drops unforeseen challenges on us, like walking into a room and realizing all the exits have vanished.

When life's commitments arise, affirming and maintaining your values can become a serious challenge, especially if you’ve spent decades convincing yourself and others that you aren’t a workaholic. Moving work from the front burner can feel daunting and unnatural for many. However, prioritizing work over personal matters can lead to long-term consequences that may be difficult or impossible to rectify. This reality is easy to overlook. True balance isn't about sticking to an ideal plan but about responding authentically to life's most pressing demands, even if it means temporarily putting your career on hold.

My journey from high school valedictorian in rural Ohio to Chief Operating Officer of a turnaround, and eventually consulting globally from Western Europe, was marked by long hours and significant personal sacrifices. It was a challenge to reconcile three decades of experience with a barrage of issues unrelated to my career. Faced with these obstacles, I realized that my personal life deserved more of my attention than my professional pursuits. In this article, I'll discuss the consequences of these decisions and how they have redefined not just my career, but my entire perspective on what true success means.

Navigating Emotional Highs and Lows

Four years ago, I was fortunate to experience what many would consider an idyllic life. Following a successful leadership role in turning around a business—doubling revenue and quadrupling EBITDA—I was involved in three consulting projects, including nearly a year in Paris with OpenClassrooms. My wife and I had the privilege of extensive travel with the Maldives standing out as a memorable highlight. I felt profoundly grateful as everything seemed perfectly aligned, both professionally and personally.

Then the COVID-19 pandemic hit abruptly shutting down my international projects (like many others around the world) and making business development nearly impossible for an independent consultant like me. The world came to a standstill and so did my career momentum.

But also, that summer, life dealt another blow. My mother’s battle with ovarian cancer took a dire turn. Navigating her illness during a global pandemic was a heartbreaking challenge, compounded by travel restrictions and the ever-present fear of the virus. That summer became a period of profound loss and overwhelming responsibility.  My mother passed away in August 2020, taking away the north star for my childhood and adult life.

The following year, 2021, brought its own set of hurdles. From 2000 miles away, I tried to support my sister in helping our father adjust to life without our mother. This included selling our childhood home and managing finances, all while dealing with a lawsuit against the builder of our father's new home. It was a logistical nightmare layered with emotional strain. Furthermore, my father’s already frail health, burdened with multiple comorbidities, made the period following the easing of pandemic restrictions particularly concerning. Even with vaccination, he contracted Covid-19 leading to numerous hospital stays in Ohio as he bravely faced these compounded health challenges.

And through all this, I tried to maintain consulting projects - no matter how bad things got. But it was difficult to generate new business or execute projects while all of this was going on around me. Despite very supportive clients at Cintana Education, Revature and Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists, it was impossible to continue to deliver quality work with all the distractions. I eventually had to let contracts expire from all these clients so I could focus my attention on pressing matters back in my hometown.

Even in these tough times, 2022 had its bright moments. After eight years of fertility treatments, my wife and I finally received joyous news. Additionally, projects with Spartan College of Aeronautics and Technology, OpenClassrooms, The Ohio State University made things look like life was going back to normal. But fitting with the theme, expecting only one child, the universe decided to give us twin girls. But that was not the only surprise - the joy was tempered by another health crisis. Just as our fertility journey was culminating, I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Surgery was inevitable, adding another layer of complexity to our lives.

As if this wasn't enough, my cancer surgery—which was supposed to be straightforward—turned complicated, extending two hours longer than planned and resulting in a recovery that dragged on six weeks longer than expected. Physically weakened and emotionally drained, I found myself wrestling with mental health challenges for the first time in my life. Seeking professional help became a necessity, not an option. The highs and lows over the last four years felt like riding an endless roller coaster, leaving me constantly bracing for the next turn.

In a perfect world, everyone would tell you that setting clear boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and mastering time management are the keys to a healthy work-life balance. These strategies are helpful for managing daily stresses and avoiding burnout while juggling work and personal life. But let's be real—sometimes life hits you with challenges so massive that these tips just don’t cut it. Think about losing a parent, getting a cancer diagnosis, welcoming a newborn, or all three in the span of a few short years. In those moments, your carefully planned boundaries and time management tricks can crumble. During such chaotic times, you need to focus entirely on what’s in front of you. No self-care routine can shield you from the emotional and physical toll of these life-altering events. Accepting that your career might have to take a backseat temporarily is crucial. When dealing with overwhelming loss, major health issues, or new parenthood, everything else fades into the background.

I took the time I needed to handle urgent personal matters, and I am now prepared to re-enter my professional career with renewed focus and determination. The challenges I faced during my time away have given me a profound sense of resilience and clarity about my priorities. These experiences have shaped me into a more compassionate and determined individual, qualities that will undoubtedly enhance my professional capabilities.

Let’s not sugarcoat it: pausing your career to attend to personal matters does set you back. You will lose ground on the corporate ladder, and the industry moves at a relentless pace. Catching up can feel like an uphill battle, but these setbacks are temporary and do not define your professional worth. The growth and resilience you gain from navigating life's toughest challenges prepares you to return stronger, bringing a wealth of experience, empathy, and a renewed perspective that can be incredibly valuable.

If you are contemplating a similar decision, recognize that pausing your career is not the end. While the hurdles may seem daunting, the strength and insights you develop during this period will pave the way for a successful return. The sacrifices you make today will lead to a brighter, more balanced future. You can do this and come out stronger on the other side. Trust me, I've been there, and I know it’s possible.

Dan Holestine, CEO and Founder, wHole Marketing Solutions